• Kim Wolfe

Your first Christmas without someone you love – part 3: How to make space for yourself and other peo


If you’ve lost someone you love this year it can be all too easy to get stuck in a place where the whole day is taken over by thoughts of them. Well, not thoughts of them exactly, but thoughts of their death, or the lack of their obvious presence.

You might think this is the only way to handle the day. Or even that it is the right and respectful way to handle the day. But it doesn’t have to be quite like this.

What can often happen in a situation like this is that we are so focused on what isn’t there that we forget to pay any attention to what is….and we miss out on a lot. We get so stuck on who isn’t there that we are unable to appreciate who is.

So here are my two recommendations to keep some focus on yourself and on the other people that matter to you. ( This is about remembering you and others as well as the person that you’ve lost, rather than instead of them. If you’d like to read my blog on how to include your person who has died in the day you’ll find it here.)

1. For you…

It’s very important to take some time to look after yourself. So, very simply, make sure you do something you love on the day. If that isn’t automatically covered in your Xmas day then make sure you take even just a little time to read some of a book, listen to a little music, do a gratitude list or some journal – whatever it is – something that is just for you.

I was reminded today of this beautiful quote:

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. ~ Buddha

2. For others…

Take the time to pay attention to the other people you love (present or not) and, even if you just take a minute, think about what you love about them, why you are grateful for them, what difference they make in your life. If, like me, your head will slip somewhere else trying to do this then do it on paper.

If you have to pop to the bathroom to be able to do this privately then do that. Whatever it takes just to have 5 minutes to think about and appreciate some of the other people in your life who matter. Otherwise it becomes easy to fixate only on the person who has died and have them eclipse the whole day – which they wouldn’t want.

These are very simple things to do…but can make quite a change to your day. And also to the lead-up to Christmas if you start doing them every day from now.

Let me know how you go.

#Includeyourlovedonesthathavedied #griefduringtheholiday #Death #GriefSupport

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