It's raining outside this morning, as I sit on my patio with my coffee, I am thinking of you today.
My array of emotions are calm, for now, as I await the next wave that will come when I least expect it. I am certain that you and God are having the most interesting conversations as you prepare to cross the bridge ahead of you.
I can't help but envision the type of bridge you'll soon step onto, with rails made of tree limbs, and the surface of each step you take makes that creeking sound. I envision water rushing below, and I can almost see you looking over the rails to see if there are any good fish in that water flowing below.
You were always the adventurous type and loved to explore new territories. You are completely emptied of any fears that may have been lurking, and holding you back from taking those glorious steps towards Heaven. Now that you're on the bridge, you are finally getting a glimpse of what Heaven holds. We are praying for you, as we sadly watch you go.
Take another step now, and soon you'll begin to recognize the multitude of family members, awaiting you just ahead. I can almost hear your heartbeat with excitement and joy, as you begin to recognize those you've always held so dear to your own beautiful heart. I am certain that they have been awaiting your return, but you have been torn about taking this trip. As you gaze into the painful eyes, of those you will leave behind, praying for your healing and life to return to normal. Death is a hard trip to take for each of us, and I am not certain I will do as good as you have, the day that my times comes.
It's raining harder now, and I cannot help but wonder if the rain is falling to clear the pathway ahead of you. I sit here awaiting the call, that you have made the choice to leave the body that you called home all these years. Like most houses, they grow a little older, and sometimes the repair is beyond what is able to repair, and we must move out and leave it behind. Your house will be put away, and our love will no longer have a place go. That is what grief really is, right? Love that has nowhere to go. So we will send it to you through our prayers. and God will hand deliver them straight to you, to hear, and knowing you, you will send us each a message of love in return. How beautiful is that?
I think I feel a raindrop in my eye. No, it's actually a tear, as I try to embrace life with the beautiful memories you left me. I thank you for every one of them. There now, that's better - I can hear your laughter, I can hear your voice, I can see your stature looking stronger than before. You made your dent in the Universe throughout the days you were here, and now it's time to set you free so you can see the impact you made. I hope you know how proud you made everyone, how much you were loved, and appreciated. We will each take some time to tend to the place in our hearts that you left us. It's normal, so don't fuss. People who didn't know you will tell us, you in a better place now, and we will ponder their words and silently think, no, your place was better with us.
I so wish others could understand how grief effects each of us personally, and time will not bring you back. Our faith will have to be enough, as we stand in line behind you and await our own bridge to cross when the time comes. Until then, I thank you for all you've done, and the healing you gave so many. I will yearn to have that one more look at you, and when it comes, I will close my eyes and know you'll be there. So take a piece of my heart with you, and feel the love within, as I watch you cross that bridge to go and be with Him.
Promise me this one thing, when it's my time to go, I'll see you on the other side, and then I will know, I made it to the bridge that was chosen, for me to cross and go. I know without a doubt, you will soon hear the words we all long to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant." as you cast your crowns before His feet and bow with loyalty. To serve our God eternally, but please wait for me.
Just wait beside the best fishing hole, and show me where it is, so when I get there I can join you and we can laugh at the fish heads again. Ahhh, the memories you've left behind were beautiful and we each will hold on to them dear, as they alone, will allow our hearts to mend. I thank you for each of them, and how I wish there were more, but now I know these were the one's you gifted me as you turn around and go.
Just know this before your journey moves on, I love you. I will miss you. You have permission to move on. Our family is strong in faith, and the healers within still have work to do. Now go to the other side, as now you will see, your works are needed there are needed too.
I am saying goodbye to a family member and as you know it's hard to do. Yet, when I close my eyes, I can envision the embrace of God's love all around. Not only my family member, but sitting right here by my side as I type the words, it's so hard to say goodbye.
Maybe you can relate, or are facing it now. Just know this, feel it all. Yes, all of it. The good, the bad and all the ups and downs. Say what needs to be said, and forgive and appologize if need be. That way the paths are clear when the spirit leaves the shell of the body that is left behind. No regrets is the goal. So love hard, love with passion, and give the judgements to God. That will prevent any bitterness from taking root with our hearts, and allow the space for all that love to grow.
I am going to go for now, to allow my emotions to go where they may.
Just know I love you and I pray for you, each and every day.
From my heart to yours,
Kim - a.k.a.
The Grief Lady.