TRAUMA 101

TRAUMA 101

Let’s face it – in life shit happens. Some of you may not like that I use that word, but that is what it is. Because it rips your heart out, leaves you bleeding, and begging for some sort of relief.

Those are the cold, hard, raw facts.

Sometimes you know it’s coming, many times you don’t. Either way, the pain is there, leaving you to pick up the pieces. But when there is devastation, you just can’t do it on your own. You don’t know how to do it on your own. Where to start, what to do, what it means, if anything. You just deal with it day-to-day. This is your life now.

Then it starts affecting everything you do – your relationship, your family, your work, your health, your life! And you look for blame, especially your spouse since they are the easiest target being closest to you. Sometimes it comes through such a tragedy that it is complete and utter trauma and agony to your body, mind, and spirit. You are here, but you are a shell, going through the motions day-to-day.

It can be the loss of a child, the murder of someone you love, or a horrible accident that you feel responsible for. A situation unfathomable to everyday life, the kind you hear about in the movies or on the news. It happens to other people. It’s not supposed to happen to you.

Did it happen to you?

Is it real? Or is it just a nightmare you can’t get out of?

But it did happen to you. It is real. The question is – now what?

Your life will never be the same again. You never get over something like this. You always carry the pain with you for the rest of your life. Or do you?

What if you could release the pain?

What if you forgave yourself?

What if you forgave others?

What if you could somehow use that pain as a source of fuel to love more, to give more, to feel more of the greatness that is also in life?

Many people tell themselves, 'No, it’s not there. Not in my world. It can never go back again. It was too tragic, too painful, it cannot be healed.' They live a lie.

These are the patterns that run and keep us trapped when go through a major loss or trauma. You may have tried grief and loss counseling, bereavement counseling, or therapy and nothing has worked. Or it did help, but did not last. That’s ok. Because you see, you are not broken. You just have a different process on the road to healing. And I don’t care what you have been through. We all have a road to healing, if we choose to take it. Healing is a choice.

My story started in September 1987 when I got a knock on my door from my mother telling me my sister was involved in a horrific car wreck. We arrived at the hospital and the Chaplain took us all back to a small room and told us to wait here. She returned with a doctor and he held out her jewelry and told us if we could identify it, he could confirm that the lady wearing it was dead. I just cried out NO, NO, NO as soon as I heard. It was unreal. It wasn’t happening. My whole body went into convulsions. All I could think about were the ten and three year old daughters she was leaving behind.

My husband and I separated after I discovered I was pregnant and four months later, I nearly delivered and was transported by ambulance to Baylor Hospital in Dallas. They were able to stop the delivery, but I had to be on complete bed rest until I reached full term. Little did I know that one of the twins I was carrying died. I delivered an unformed fetus prior to the birth of my daughter that nearly died at birth due to lack of oxygen as the chord was wrapped so tightly around her neck that she was blue in color and the doctor was performing CPR to get her back. On top of that, I got a similar phone call that my father had committed suicide.

It was trauma on top of trauma. My emotional walls were up and firmly in place. By this time I was numb. Nothing could touch me after that. But I did feel one thing, consistently. And that was all I needed to get me through. Rage. Dark, deep unconscious rage.

My life was never going to be the same again. I would never have love, joy, or safety and comfort again. I had a right to be pissed. I had a right to be miserable and make everyone around me feel my pain and their ignorance for taking the simple things in life for granted. They still had their loved ones, their careers, their lives as they wanted. Life was good to them. What the hell were they bitching about?

I spiraled down for 4 grueling years, did everything I was supposed to do – dealing with funeral arrangements, cops, insurance, assisting in caring for her two children, questions, answers, friends, you name it! I had gained experience with things that most people never would in their lives. And I was 25 years old. I went through life believing it was bullshit and that life had it in for me and no one would ever understand. NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW MY PAIN!

And when I was rock bottom destroying my relationships and the start of my career I received divine intervention. I was led to a seminar, one that took everything I had to get me there. I didn’t know why, I didn’t know how, I just knew in the depth of my soul I needed to be there.