• Kim Wolfe, Grief Recovery Specialist

Drowning In Grief


There are times when you feel as if you are submerged under water. Kicking and screaming, unable to breathe or catch your breath. You struggle to kick your way to the top of the water to take a quick breath only to experience the total submerging of being plunged back under the depths of your grief and sorrow.

It's these times of struggle when it will pay you to simply relax, to experience and embrace the emotions that have you engulfed in this moment. The struggle is real. Pause for a brief moment and open your eyes. What do you see underneath the water?

The harder you struggle, the more likely you will remain submerged and in a state of panic. Pay attention to your surroundings during this time. Are the waters clear enough for you to see and feel what this experience is showing you? Or are the waters too cloudy from all of the thrashing you've been doing?

If the water is murky and you cannot see clearly, I want you to simply relax - This is a time to experience what it's like to float. Now you are floating on top of the water. The view is what's above you now. The sky is above you now. What are you seeing at this point? Are there clouds above you? Is the sun shining on your face? Can you breathe?

Grief can certainly toss us around into a deep abyss. Fear will constantly whisper you'll never make it through this. If you listen to the voice of fear, you will become paralyzed and unable to find your way. You've just experienced a major loss in life. Change is all around you and it's hard to find your way into this new life. How do you embrace this change when fear has you gripped in it's clutches?

Fear, Loss and Change have come into your life. Where do you start? I would recommend you grab that fear by the horns. What is it about the fear that locks you into this state? Is what fear is saying and showing you true? If not, then realize that it is merely an illusion to keep you from the healing that is just ahead of you. You are leaving behind you a state of comfort and familiar. It is scary to embrace the unknown.

Change is all around you now. What will you do with it? Do you even know what you want to do with all this change? Life is now planting you in a place that is unfamiliar - Which road do you want to take? How will you handle and cope with all the pain that Loss has created? Loss has taken so much. Have you ever took the time to examine all the losses you've had in your life?

We are taught from a very young age how to obtain things, relationships, and success. But who has really taught us how to let go? It doesn't feel right to let go. It feels right to hold on, but at what cost? Sometimes it is more painful to hold on rather that to let go. What will you gain if you hold on? What will you lose if you let go? And then you toss this the other way. What will you lose if you hold on? What will you gain if you let go?

I guess it boils down to what you want in your life. Going back to what is familiar sounds safe. Moving forward into the unknown can be a bit intimidating at first. Life is full of unknowns. Then, we embrace the unknown and eventually it too, becomes familiar only to experience yet another twist and turn. we find ourselves back into the unknown yet again.

There can be many negatives to holding on to old patterns. I have witnessed many who end up with addictions, deep depression, and they waste away at life. Sadly, they never find their purpose. They merely exist. They plunge deep into those suffocating emotional states and try to kick their way back to surface to grab a quick breath and plunge back into the depths of despair.

Some learn the art of floating. They learn that grief will come in waves, and the more they struggle and fight it, they end up drowning. So they have learned that floating can actually save their lives. They have learned to simply surrender and look up for guidance. They become One with their Creator and they learn to ride the tide.

They make their amends, they offer forgiveness. They allow the time they are given to take care of their wounded hearts. They embrace the emotional tides head on and truly feel what they feel. Although some of these feelings return, they discover the beauty that life is still here for them. They are now freeing themselves to embrace what lies ahead of them verses what has been left behind. They are discovering that they may never get the answers of "Why" this happened.

They will never forget the loss - yet they are now beginning to see and experience the true beauty of letting go. Life is now once again a blank canvas. They realize that they are now holding the paint brush and are free to create a new beginning.

What will you do now? Will you float or fight? Will you drown in the past or will you take the paint brush and begin to create a new purpose in life? Will you wallow in regrets or will you make those amends?

If you don't know how to float, let me know and I will teach you. If not me, then may I recommend that you find someone that can truly come alongside of you and give you the tools to heal. Life is so much more beautiful when you learn to float, and look up at the all the possibilities.

#GriefandLoneliness

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P.O. Box 142; Grapevine, TX 76099

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Email Kim@KimWolfe.net

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