I have spent some time with the Lord asking, seeking, knocking on the door to God's heart about what appears to be a very uncertain future for not only myself, but the world. I have turned off all the "chatter' and "fear mongering" the news and television seem to shove down our throats. I feel an inner peace beacause of it. I took a long break from all Social Media and I began to notice some things within myself that I haven't experienced nor felt in a very long time.
THE EXCHANGE EXCERCISE
For those of you who have gone through The Grief Recovery Method, you may have heard me talk about an "Exchange Excercise" that helps me deal with my own inner conflict. When I begin to feel anxiety, fear, confusion, depression, and my 'self talk' is nothing but negative, I become aware that I am tuned in to the wrong frequency. When I get the awareness of what I am doing, I bow my head, and go before the Lord and say this simple prayer:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank you for all you do in my life. I need to confess that I have not been holding my thoughts captive as you have instructed your children to do. Thank you for the discernment that you have given me. I am now aware that my thoughts are not from you, they are from the enemy of my soul. I repent from the lies, the fear, anxiety, confusion, and depression. I would like to exchange these emotions from the enemy, and recieve from you what you say about me. So Lord of Heaven and Earth, If I give you my ____________, what would you give me in return?"
I simply wait a moment, a brief moment and the Lord speaks quickly to my inner soul. I will either hear or feel inside of my own spirit an inner peace. I encourage you to do this at some point. If you are like me, you may feel desperate, and at the end of yourself before you will have to admit the all too famous confession, "I Can't Do This by Myself" - and you cry out to someone much higher than yourself. I do this all the time, and I cannot figure out why I cannot seem to simply do this on a daily basis. But it is certainly a goal that I have set before me.
To lay down my will for His Will.
Easier said, than done. At least for me ... I am hard-headed, stubborn to the core, and determined to reach higher. Yet, these past several months, I have to confess that most of who I used to be has been sanded, sifted, and pruned. It was painful at first, and I was fighting God like a wet cat to make it stop. Witnessing the very parts of myself being cut off, and casted aside was much like watching the very parts of my own survival parts being amputated.
My so-called toughness, melted into silence. I no longer feel the desire to react - I have been taught to respond. Sometimes even to the point of silence. I no longer feel the need to defend myself, or blame anyone for my short comings. To this day, I scratch my head and ponder how did this happen? I know it wasn't my own doing and I have discovered and deeply embraced the inner peace of knowing I have an eternal Father, who loves me enough to discipline me, and convict me when I am wrong. He never condems me, but yet I feel his disappointment in me somehow, when I break his heart. Does that make sense?
Personally, I see things so differently than most. I will share with you that we as The Human Race, are about to step into a great awakening. We are all witnessing the tearing down season of World Governements, corrupt justice systems, and basically evil hearts. These are on the top of my prayer list each day. Keep watching, as the Light of the World continues to break forth, expose, and convict those who have been a part of all the corruption. Pray for fair justice to be done. He is listening. He is acting on what needs to be done. This is heavy on my heart because I do not want to leave this kind of world to my children and grandchildren. I will just leave that there ...
The Fire of Your Heart
"My God, I want to do what you want. Your teachings are in my heart." Psalm 40:8
My devotional verse for April 21, 2023 was this verse. I paused for a moment and my thoughts went into question mode. I will do my best to break it down for you to begin to search your own heart.
Want to know God's will for your life? Then answer this question: What ignites your heart? Forgotten orphans? Untouched nations? The inner city? The outer limits? The hurting and broken people you see within your circle?
Heed the fire within! Do you have a passion to sing? Then Sing! Are you stirred to manage? Then manage! Do you ache for the ill? Then treat them! Do you hurt for the lost? Then teach them!
As a young woman, I wore a lot of hats that were my calling during that season. You know, the mom hat, the wife hat, the daughter hat, etc. Then, suddenly it was a season where those hats were no longer who I used to be. A divorce took my wife hat, the children are now adults/parents, and my parents are both deceased, so I am no longer anyone's daughter ... Or am I? Why yes! I AM! I am also a Bride of Christ! The Bonus side of my own children growing up, and having children of their own I exchange the role of 'mother' to Grandmother! God loves to exchange with us!
One thing I am certain about to this day is that I have always had a fire in my heart for working with people, especially children, and horses. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, God has placed a fire inside of my heart to come alongside the broken-hearted, His children. He has had to perform some extensive heart surgery inside of me before that fire could truly blaze for His Glory. Although the process was painful, I wouldn't trade a single moment of that pain for all that He has given me. I did nothing to deserve the gifts of the Spirit he has provided. Yet, he provided so freely, and so lovingly.
As I lead groups of individuals through the healing that the Lord so desires his children to receive, I hear His gentle voice saying, "Don't preach. Unless you have to." As I pondered on His words, I found my answer. "I have to. If I don't, the fire will consume me."
So I will end here by asking you, What is the fire that consumes you?
From my firey heart, to yours!
Kim